Find Yourself
by TheWayYouLoveMe
Summary: It's a bit weird, but my friends say they like it. Updates every Friday or Saturday. Reviews are appreciated!
1. New Ideas

Evalina-

My name is Evalina Alyce Jones and I go by Ever. I'm 5'4" with pale skin and dark brown hair. I like to read. My boyfriend's name is Jason and I love him. I'm still a virgin and will be until I get married to Mr. Right. I'm a bit crazy, but I like that about myself. Right now, that's about all I know of myself.

They started a month ago; these feelings, I mean. Now I'm so distraught. I like boys. I know I do. But lately, things have been different. Of course, I still love my boyfriend. Like I said before: I like boys. The whole 'girl' thing is new to me. None of my friends are. Not even any of my acquaintances are. Well, that's a lie. Emma is bi, but... Anyway, I have no idea how to react. I've never thought like this before and I don't know what to do.

I think I like my boyfriend's sister.

Talking about this is awkward and I doubt my friends would like to hear about this, so I can't tell anyone. I'm alone here. Well, I could tell Emma (my boyfriend's sister), but I'm not sure I'm even ready to tell anyone yet. I want to be sure of it before I tell anyone else, so this is between you and me, diary.

Emma-

Jason's girlfriend came over again today. She's so nice. And pretty too! But she looked a little distanced. I wonder what's wrong. Oh, well my girlfriend's calling. I better go.

*****

"Hello?" Emma says into the cell phone. A melodic voice answers with a cheerful, "Hey Hun! I wanted to tell you first! I got the lead role in A Sound of Music!"

Oh, that's great. I'll have to go se it. Bye," Emma says, eager to get back to writing in her diary.

"Wait a second, Emma. What's been with you lately? You aren't ever happy for me anymore. You seem so uninterested in— in us! It's like you've been off in your own little world. What's going on?"

"I don't know, Grace. I've just been a little— out of it."

"Well I don't like it. Maybe we should end it." Grace's voice is harsh and punishing. But, as soon as those words leave her lips, Emma can hear her quivering through the phone.

"You're breaking up with me?" Emma's voice reveals only some concern, but not much. After a few silent moments, a soft voice says,

"Yeah, I guess I am." Then the phone went dead.

Ever stares at her phone. "Not again! That boy!" she groans. Jason has once again requested a picture of Ever's nude body. He has a habit of suggesting things like that. He's a stupid pervert.

Ever: No. Heck no! And don't ask me again! You will regret it if you do.

What she is planning as punishment is sort of juvenile, but she knows how scared Jason is of his mother. If she found out what he is saying, Jason would never see daylight again.

Jason: Why not babe? You have such a beautiful body! It's a shame to hide it behind those drab clothes.

He always tries to use psychological methods to get to her, but little does he know, she knows just as much, if not more about psychology. The method he is currently using is called "give and take" Give a compliment, and then take it away. 'Beautiful body' of course, is the compliment. Then he adds the 'drab clothes' to make me feel insecure, so I would want to do what he asks to emphasize what he complimented to make the negative go away.

But I'm not that naïve.

Ever: No. Ask me again and you're dead.

Jason: C'mon. Please?

Ever: That's it. I warned you.

Ever returns to the original message and hits 'forward'.

Ever: Wait for it…

Jason: You sent it to my mom?!

At that Evalina turns off her phone, and goes to sleep.

Tears soak Emma's pillow as she weeps over Grace. She picks up her phone to call Anabella, her best friend of three years. Two rings and it goes to voicemail. She tried twice more. One ring, two, "Hi, this is Annybee…" She gives up and falls asleep.

_Has Emma been crying? _Ever wonders the next morning Ever walks over to her and sits on the grass next to the puffy-eyed Emma.

"Hey, Emma. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's nothing" Her voice cracks, revealing the lie.

"Are you sure it's nothing? I'm here to listen. You can talk to me."

Silent tears like rain begin to trickle down her cheeks. It's incredible how someone can look so beautiful even while crying.

"Grace dumped me. After seven months, she dumped me." Emma gets out between sharp breaths. Ever puts her arm around Emma and Emma starts sobbing into Ever's shoulder.

"It's okay. You're alright. You're still loved. She doesn't deserve you. Its okay, it's okay…" Ever mumbles as they sit there rocking, crying, sobbing. Ever puts her hand under Emma's chin and lifts it until their eyes meet. Then Ever proceeds to wipe Emma's tears with her thumb, then held her some more. Another ten minutes and the bell rings for class, so they must part.

"Thank you, Ever, thank you so much. For caring. It helps. Hah, it definitely helps." She gives her one more tight squeeze and they left for their lockers.

The day is going slowly for both girls. Ever is supposed to go over to Jason's today for a science project. Ever can't wait. Not to work on science, not to see Jason, but to see Emma. She can't get what happened this morning out of her head. Her feelings for Emma grow stronger by the second.

On the other side of the school, Emma is feeling the same ecstasy for this afternoon. During their embrace earlier this morning, Emma felt something. She doesn't like the fact that she might like someone ONE DAY after she broke up with her girlfriend, but she can't fight it. When they were hugging, Emma was thinking, fantasizing, rather. She couldn't stop picturing herself with Ever. She imagined them hugging, taking late night walks, even kissing a bit. Then it hit her that she was thinking these things about her brother's girlfriend. She tried snapping out of it, but throughout the day, her mind would always wander back to her sweet forbidden fruit, Ever.

Emma mainly wants to talk to Ever. She was the only one who would listen to Emma lately. Not even Anabella is answering her calls because she knows what's coming.

"Mom, we're home. So is Ever." Jason shouted as he stepped through the threshold of his front door. Mrs. Brighton walks in wit her new breasts in a low cut tank like the cougar she is and pulls the three of us into her arms in a suffocating grip.

"My twins! And my little boy's girlfriend!" The alcohol on her breath and the off-balance way she was standing shows that she has been drinking a little too much. She hadn't always been this way. Before Mr. Brighton died three years ago, she was a perfectly normal mom. She wore mom clothes; she made mom food; she even had a pair of mom jeans. But George died and she started drinking. When she started drinking she started acting weird. When she started acting weird she turned into who she is today: a low-cut, low-rise, super short shorts wearing cougar. She's slept with five of Emma's older brother, Logan's friends. Needless to say, he doesn't talk to any of them anymore, especially his mom. He left for college and never came back. And despite her slut factor, she still expects her children to behave when it comes to intimacy. She often acted the hypocrite. "No boys/girls alone with you in your room." She had a different stranger in her bedroom with the doors locked almost every weekend. "No alcohol." She was tipsy ninety-seven percent of the time. "You can't just skip school" Most Mondays she woke up 'with a terrible migraine' _Wonder why…_ And when she was mad, she was scary. When she was mad AND drunk? Nightmares. So Emma and Jason chose to follow the rules.

Mrs. Anna Brighton manages to say, ".." before passing out on the couch.

"She's not going to work tomorrow is she?" Jason jokes. They all giggle and run upstairs.

About thirty minutes later, the science project is complete. Ever still had three hours until she had to go home since it was only five on a Friday. She wanders into Emma's room where she found her listening to her iPod, crying her eyes out.

"Emma?" Ever almost whispers before tapping her shoulder. "Emma, do you want to tell me about it?"

They sit and talk for the remaining three hours, each word providing a tiny insight into the other's heart. With every passing minute the two girls grow closer and closer. Each beat of their hearts is more in-sync. They even begin to breathe to the same beat. They were meant to be.


	2. Knowing

Evalina-

WOW! That was incredible! I still can't believe how awesome she is. She gets me. She gets me! I felt I could tell her. Tell her everything! And I will. Right now! Okay, maybe I'll invite her over and tell her tomorrow. But I will tell her. Wow, one day with her and... Wow.

Emma-

Her name. Evalina Alyce Jones. That's her name. The one that may just be a miracle worker. I'm almost completely over Grace. Enough so, that we could be friends again. I may even have a crush on someone new. Heh, that angel Ever. I've never seen someone so beautiful— Inside and out!

Her hair is dark dark brown and straight with side bangs. Looking into her eyes is like looking into a thick forest of trees filled with beauty and wonders unimaginable to anyone other than God above. Her nose: the very symbol of perfection. Her mouth is two beautiful, plump, luscious lips waiting to be caressed. A chin perfectly placed. Around her pristine white neck she wore an emerald necklace the color of her gorgeous eyes on a black leather strap. Her red t-shirt proudly proclaimed her favorite band: A Static Lullaby. The asymmetrical collar framed her beautiful face. About her waist at sort of an angle was a thick black belt. Beneath, she wore a particularly sexy pair of black skinny jeans hugging her sexy hips and sexy trunk. Her petite size six feet were protected by a pair of black ballet flats. She was gorgeous. I cannot wait to see her again.

Emma's phone rang. It was Ever.

"Hello?"

"Hey Emma, I was wondering if you wanted to do something today. I was thinking maybe a picnic?"

"Sure that sounds fun actually. Ha, I had nothing else to do and I was practically praying for yo— someone to call! Bike to East End Park?"

"Yeah I'll meet you there in fifteen minutes. Okay?"

"Yeah, see you there!"

Emma hangs up the phone and literally bounced around the room. Realizing she only had fifteen minutes to get ready, she runs for her closet and carefully picks out an outfit suitable for riding bikes with the most gorgeous girl in the world.

Emma hopped on my bike in a pair of running shorts and a tank top and started to the entrance of East End Park. East End is beautiful. Ever couldn't have picked a more romantic place in the city for the girls to go. It's a running/walking/biking park with hundreds of nature trails and amazing scenery. It happens to be where Emma's happy place is. Her happy place is a stop on a trail called 'Eagles Point'. It overlooks a beautiful lake. Emma goes there and all she knows is peace. She goes there and everything makes sense. She goes there and she's fine.

She gets to the entrance and Ever's already there in knee length sweats and a sports bra. She looked HOTT!

The girls biked for awhile and came to a stop at a picnic table. Silent, they stand their bikes and lock them up.

"What'd you bring" Emma questions, only to make conversation.

"PBJ, you?"

"Same"

The two sat in awkward silence for several minutes before Ever got up the courage to speak.

"Can I tell you something? I can't really tell anyone else. They won't understand. They won't like me anymore. But I know you will. I—"

"Just tell me sweetheart. It's okay." Emma chuckled. Nervously, Ever went on.

"I…I think I might possibly, maybe, not entirely, could be, I don't know…" Ever took a deep breath, closed her eyes and did her best to be brave.

"I'm bicurious" She practically yelled.

"That's it? Oh, honey, you should be comfortable with that. But I guess I know what you're going through. I know how hard it can be to accept it."

"Oh, thank you for understanding! And you won't tell a soul, right?"

"Right. Don't worry, I'll keep you're dirty little secret." Emma jokes. "What I did when I wasn't sure, I kissed one of my friends that I though I liked to see how it'd feel. I ended up dating her for seven months." Her face suddenly darkens. "It was Grace." A single tear falls to the ground.

"Oh, Emma I'm so sorry. Emma I—"

"No, I won't shed another tear over that girl."

"Good. Good girl. Yeah, you'll be okay. I'm here. You're okay. I love you in a friendly way. I haven't known you that long and I love you. We'll be fine, girl."

"Thanks. You helping me with her means a lot to me. Know what? I'm going to help you. You'll know who you are at least by the end of the week.

"Wow, thank you. That would be great."

"Well I'm done. How about you?"

"Yeah. Let's throw our trash away then we can go. I have somewhere special I want to take you."

The girls ride for another twenty minutes. Emma starts noticing familiarities. The two reach Eagles Point and hop off.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Emma exclaims.

"Like it?"

"Like it? I love it! This is my happy place. How'd you know?"

"Seriously? I had no idea. This is where I go when I'm upset."

"Wow."

Emma and Ever sit on the bench and continue chatting. Emma listened to Ever with care in her eyes. She peered into her eyes almost as if searching Ever's soul. Out of nowhere, her lips embrace Ever's. Sparks fly. They hold the kiss for ten seconds before realizing what's going on. Emma reluctantly pulls away and they both say, "Woah."

Ever starts quickly and nervously, "Wow, I mean WOW. Wait, you know I'm dating you're brother and I really shouldn't– Oh, who am I kidding. Kiss me again!"

So Emma did. And it is the best kiss she has ever experienced. The two sit there for awhile, just kissing each other. Ever sees Emma's beauty for the first time. Even though her hair is a straight fountain of golden brown; though her eyes are an enchanting shade of dark blue; even though her lips are perfect, neck elegant, body graceful, and sense of style newsworthy, none of this is where her beauty is focused. Her true beauty is in her heart. Her heart is more beautiful than anyone can ever imagine. Her heart is like the Hailey Williams or Megan Fox of hearts. Her heart is full of compassion, caring, love, understanding, and everything else needed to make her who she is. And that shows Ever something. Right then and there Evalina Alyce Jones found herself. She found a beautiful bisexual girl who was proud of herself in every aspect.

"I'm sure now," she almost whispers.


	3. Reassurance

Ever-

At night I dream of Emma. During the day I think of Emma. Everything I know has become Emma. I can't get that kiss out of my head. It's all I think about lately. I won't be able to function until she's mine.

Emma-

At night I dream of Ever. During the day I think of Ever. Everything I know has become Ever. I can't get that kiss out of my head. It's all I think about lately. I won't be able to function until she's mine.

"Emma! Focus. Wake up!" Ever yells.

Emma isn't asleep, but she is dreaming. Dreaming of Ever. Thinking of the kiss. Fantasizing about future kisses. You could say she is obsessed. But, then again, so is Ever. All that needs to happen is for Ever to end it with Jason. That is the issue for Ever. It's hard. She doesn't want to hurt the poor boy. She knew how hard it was for him when his last girlfriend dumped him. He didn't take it well. Maybe they can be together and just keep it a secret. Jason doesn't have to know about the two of them. Ever isn't ready to come out to him, anyway. That confession in the wrong hands can prove disastrous.

Emma is in history, her least favorite class, so it is easy for her to dose off and let her imagination run free about Ever. She had been yelled at so many times today that even the other kids are beginning to get annoyed at her. Eventually, she's sent to the principal's office.

_This can't be happening! _She thought to herself. _My mom will KILL me if she finds out I've been sent to the principal's! And why! I've never done anything this bad before!_ Emma's in panic mode as she walks down the hallway. She reaches the door and takes a deep breath. The bland orange doo turns into the pearly gates of a perverbial heaven as Ever's sweet and crying face reveals itself. All worries, tears, nausea and butterflies went away. Emma quietly takes a seat next to Ever and wraps her in her arms Ever looks up and half-smiles. Emma takes her thumb and wipes the tears like shimmering crystal from Ever's beautiful face.

"So what brings my sweet angel here today?"

Ever manages a slight laugh, calming her nerves a bit. " According to Max, The teacher was calling my name for a full five minutes and I didn't respond. Mrs. Boomer thought I was being disrespectful, but I was just. . . Thinking."

"Mrs. Boomer?"

"Oh, Mrs. Loomer. Sorry, I'm used to calling her the Boomer. Jase and I came up with that because she's so loud all the time. But she HATES me. I swear! I'm the best behaved kid in my class yet she still hates me. She only likes the popular kids and popular– I'm not."

"You are in my book, if tat counts for anything."

Ever reaches over and grabs Emma's hand. "Yes. It does count for something."

Luckily, Mrs. Black is in a great mood today, so both girls get off with just a warning. Emma and Ever walk down the hallway hand in hand, both wanting to ask what the other was thinking about, yet praying that the other wouldn't ask the same because they had both been dreaming of a life together. They walked in silence the rest of the way.

"Is it bad that your girlfriend seems to spend more time with your sister than you?" Jason asks his best friend, Zack.

"Your sister's hott," he mumbled under his breath, Jason barely catching it.

"Uhm, hello? I asked you a question" Jason says, obviously irritated.

"Oh, sorry, man. Uh, that's kind of weird but it's not like Ever would be attracted to her. She is straight after all. I mean what's going to happen? Are they going to hook up behind your back? Wow, that'd be mega hott" Zack murmured the last sentence.

"I don't know, dude. Don't say that. My sister is bi, but as far as my Evs, she's straight… Or is she..? No. She'd tell me. Plus she likes guys too much to like girls."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"But I still think Emma has a crush on my girlfriend. She has that face when they're together, and I know that face." Jason made an expression abstractly resembling Emma's smile when she's in love and they both laughed. Her eyes get round and ecstatic and her mouth forms the biggest possible curve it can without showing her teeth. Her cheeks turn red like a blazing fire on a cold night. Miniature dimples appear in her delicate cheeks. Her eyes glow like amber jewels in the sunlight and love is written all over her face.

"What if Emma does like Ever?" Jason worries some more.

"Ever's straight. Besides, she loves you. If she hasn't dumped you yet for those vulgar requests, she won't anytime soon. And definitely not for Emma. She'll be mine." Zack replies, failing to comfort the distraught boy.

"Dude, she will never be yours. I'd never let her near you. Besides, you aren't even her type."

"Oh, bull. Her type is anything with a heartbeat. She's bi, isn't she?" At that, Jason stands and pulls Zack up from his bean-bag by his t-shirt. Jason wraps his hands around Zack's scrawny neck.

"What did you just say to me?" He threatened. But Zack couldn't breath to speak. And Emma has heard every word they just said, except for her brother's defense. "You don't talk about my sister that way. Just because she has a different sexuality than you, doesn't mean she's a slut. My sister has taste. More than you do. You don't care how bitchy the chick is as long as she has a nice body to her. As long as you're satisfied. Get out of my house! Now!" Jason lets go of Zack and he starts to gasp. Zack jumps up and trips over himself trying to get away from the Jason-gone-crazy moment. Jason sighs and makes his way to his room. As he passes Emma's door, he hears a slight sob. He knocks on the door.

"Em? Are you okay? I know. Zack's a douche. He isn't—" Jason pauses as he opens the door to a pillow flying at his head.

"You hypocritical demonic little thing! I can't believe you'd try to say something like that after you AGREED with his stupid remark!"

"Agreed?! After all I just did for you, you think I agreed? I almost killed my best friend defending you and you think I effing agreed?! Far from, Emma." He lowers his voice to a more sincere tone as he says the last sentence. He walks over to the bed and sits down beside her. "Emma. You are my sister and I'll always love you no matter what and nobody can ever change that. No one will hurt you as long as I'm around."

"You really mean that?"

"Of course I do. But I've got to jet before I turn into a mush-master, so… I love you. And I'll be in my room." Jason proclaims, like the boy he is. He walks out the door, into his room, in his closet and sits down. He reaches up into his secret hiding place and pulls out his razor.


	4. Scars

**A/N: This chapter starts off with Jason's point of veiw and later changes back to 3rd person unlimited. I really enjoyed writing from Jason's POV and you can tell, because shortly you will notice that the story changes from being about Emma and Ever to being about Jason and some of his history ;) Hope you enjoy, because I sure did ;)**

Ever-

Emma told me about what happened with Jason and Zack. He's so sweet. It's going to be so hard when I have to choose between Jason and Emma. Scary thing is... I might be falling for Emma faster than I am for Jason...

Emma-

I love my brother. He's such a good brother. I'd never do anything to hurt him. I think I'd even stand up for him over Ever. Especially after today. Not to say that I wouldn't stand up after Ever; I definitely would, but Jason is starting to be more important to protect. Ever's growing up from the shy little girl she used to be.

"Hey, Emma! Guess what. I heard Josh is coming back!" Ever says excitedly.

"Really? I miss that kid! He was cool. I can't believe his parents shipped him off to military school." Emma replies.

The words reach my ears and suddenly I can't find my balance. The room starts spinning as I remember.

_The screaming. The screaming that only I can hear continues in my head as I try to take a breath. The screaming, the screaming._

"Jason, stop being a baby." Emma's harsh and blind words pull me away from the horrible nightmare of a memory. She continues. "We all know you hate him for no good reason, but it's not that bad. I mean you act lie he tried to kill you or something." _I wish. _They have no idea what he did to me. They don't know how he hurt me. They can't possibly feel the pain of a friend doing such a thing to you. I can't even think about it. It's too horrible. I still cut because of it. And **no one** can ever know. **No one. **

"Yeah, something like that." I say under my breath. I rub my wrist, hidden by a long-sleeve Abercrombie shirt. It's been half of a year since I last wore a short-sleeve shirt. Ever since the incident last summer. I shudder as I remember how well the day went up until that point. I stop myself before I remember too much.

I've only wanted to kill myself once, despite the severity of my history. I called Ever to calm down, though. I didn't tell her anything. Just the sound of her voice and knowing that she loves me is enough. Things have gotten worse over time, though. Now the only thing that calms me down is pain. Self inflicted pain. It hurts, but every drop of blood carries away the emotional pain. Flesh wounds are easier to deal with than emotional wounds. My razor has become my friend. Cleansing me of my worries, I rely on it now. The sharp metal feels cool on my skin. The sent of blood embraces me as I slash through my arm and my head begins to clear. Another and one more. I do it again. I can't stop until I see nothing but red on my skin. Blood creeps down, tickling me as it goes. Crimson dots the towel as stars dot a clear night sky. Life goes on around me as I wither into a pile of nothingness.

No one knows my pain. And no one ever will if I have anything to say about it. I'll wear long-sleeves and sweatshirts. I don't go to sleepovers and I'll never go swimming with friends. I can make excuses. I do have friends though. I'm pretty popular, actually. But I only have one **real** friend. Zack. I've trusted him enough once before to cry in front of him, and you know how men are about tears. He really helps me sometimes. He has no idea how much he can help me. I love that kid. He's like a brother to me. Man, if the guys knew the way I was talking right now I'd be so dead. But all this is true, very true.

"I don't know, Emma. Wouldn't this be considered cheating?" Ever whispers almost not wanting to say it.

"Shh… Don't think about that. Just come here so I can kiss you."

"You do have soft lips," Ever teased. "I could kiss them all night."

This made Emma happy. "Why don't you then? I know you like me; you know I like you. Nobody else needs to know for this thing to work. Screw that kid, Jason. You know you love me more than him. Kiss me."

So she did. Again, and again.

Friday night Emma goes over to Ever's house for a 'sleepover.' The two lovebirds go into Ever's room, and lock the door. Emma took Ever's face in her hands and kissed her forehead; then her nose, her lips, and finally her chin before going back for more of that delicious mouth. Emma played some with Ever's hair while they kissed. Ever stealthily slipped her tongue into Emma's mouth accepting the invitation to cheat. Oh! What a guilty pleasure! In so many ways. Emma removes her lips to look Ever in the eyes. She then kisses her temple, down her jawbone, onto her neck, Ever squirming and moaning the whole way down. She reaches her sternum and draws little pictures of swirls with her tongue as she reaches underneath Ever's shirt. Emma begins to remove Ever's blouse as she tickles Ever's sides. They both have their shirts off before they realize what's going on.

"What am I doing? Oh, I'm so sorry. It's not that I don't want to. Believe me **I want to.** But I just can't do that to my brother. And I have values. I may not be the best person in the world, but I do have morals."

"I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, hun. I enjoyed it."

"Enough to forget your values. I'm sorry for that. Well, what are those values, anyway? I'm just curious… You don't have to say anything you don't want to." Ever inquires.

"Well, I'm staying a virgin until I marry; I only want to get married once; I don't steal or cheat. Things like that." Emma's words create respect in Ever. Ever looks up to this girl. Ever wants to be just as good of a person as her. Ever loves her. Yes, dear reader, I said she loves her.

"What about us?" Ever worries. "Am I being a bad girlfriend? And you a bad sister? I mean what if he finds out what we almost did? He'd hate us."

"Right. I'd rather be with you, but I just can't break up with him. What if he cries? Or worse- what if he doesn't even care? What is he going to think when he finds out I dumped him for his sister?" At that, Ever starts to weep.

"Oh, come one. He's a big boy. He can handle it, babe."

"No. He can't handle it, _babe_" she says, anger with a touch of fear hinting in her voice. "Yesterday, I saw him taking off his jacket, and… and his shirt came up on his arm a little. He cuts, Emma. He cuts himself."

Shock stifles Emma's tears, but only for a moment. Soon, she is bawling harder than Ever. The two young girls hold each other, crying, sobbing, hurting.

It's a wonder such bliss, such excitement, such thrill could turn so quickly into pain, pure pain.

**A/N: Don't you love how I went from a sex scene to the two girls bawling over their brother/boyfriend? Wow, I love me.**


	5. Intervene

Ever-

I'm scared. What if... I shouldn't even go there. What if's lead to bad thoughts. I need to think about something else. I need a book. Or maybe I'll watch something on T.V. Who knows? Whatever, I just need some space. I'm going to go find a book now.

Emma-

I can't believe it. I just can't. My brother cuts? I never would have guessed. I mean he's my big brother! By five minutes, sure, but I'm supposed to look up to him. How can I do that when I know he cuts himself? I'm just not sure what to think, now. I'm scared he might hurt himself to much, too severely. I need a nap. I'll write more tonight, diary. For now, though, I need my rest. Jason's gone to the baseball field with Zack so maybe I can get him out of my mind for a few hours.

"Looks like a homerun. Again. How do you do that, kid?" Zack teases.

"Shut up and pitch Zack." I growl. The little white ball zooms at me and I force all of my energy towards it as it morphs into Jason's stupid little head. The bat connects with Jason's head and it flies hard and fast towards left field as a stranger's gloved hand reaches out and grabs it. A familiar hated voice fills the air.

"Hey! I just came to play a little ball with my SMA boys," and that voice belongs to Josh. "So, I guess we can add a couple more players to our game. How 'bout it boys?" A series of yells and whistles form a big 'yes' in the sky. The guys laugh. "Smith's Military Academy's finest. Jason, you're skins. Zack, shirts. Now the rest of you- split off! And be sweet to the newcomers." He adds sarcastically.

"C'mon Zack; let's ditch." Jason says, walking away.

"Wait a second," Josh runs up to me, coming a bit too close. My throat closes. "Are you scared? It's just a little game." He draws in closer. "I won't hurt you," he says, while his eyes scream a different story. My pulse rises. He stands behind me, breathes down my neck, and says the same words he did that very day. "But you can't defeat me."

_The screaming. The screaming that only I can hear continues in my head as I try to take a breath._

"_I would never hurt you," he said. "But you can't defeat me." Then he hurt me. Hurt me so I would never forget him. As hard as I try, I can't get away. He's right. I can't defeat this thing- not even worthy of a gender- that has such power over me right now. But next time, I swear, I will defeat him._

"I'll be shirts. You be skins. Let me show you how it's done." I say to him, anger like acid on my tongue. Josh strips himself of his shirt to reveal his perfectly toned stomach, a benefit of military school, and tosses it at my feet, causing me to flinch as the fabric touches my leg. The rest of his team follows, unveiling the same bodies. His sandy-blonde hair shining in the sun brings out his devilish light blue eyes, the last thing I ever want to see again.

"You're first bat, Jason. Watch out for this guy. He knows his way around the field." Josh chuckled.

"Shut up and pitch, Josh." I say through clenched teeth. He throws a simple curveball and, like always, the ball morphed into a perfect miniature of the pitcher's head.

Homerun.

"What can we even do about it? It's not like we can just ask him to stop. We aren't supposed to know." Emma reasoned into the phone.

"Or can we?" Ever sprouts an idea.

"What are you, crazy?"

"An intervention. Just a small one. You, me and him. Ask him to stop hurting himself and we don't leave until he says yes."

"Are you sure he won't just pull back and get defensive? Or just cut more? He probably won't want to hear this, you know."

"It's all we can do to try. It's a crazy idea but it might work," Ever finalizes. And so it is decided. Saturday, there was going to be an intervention for Jason. The girls say their goodbyes, and hang up.

I walk into the nearest room. I see a girl about age fourteen. She looks at me and says, "So, Emma I was thinking–"

I cut her off. "Emma? Who's Emma? And who are you? Do I know you?"

She looks a me oddly, then a smile creeps onto her face. "Stop it Emma! We have a project to finish so we can get back to how we're going to handle your brother"

_Brother._ At that word everything comes charging back.

"Hah, I just wanted to see if you'd fall for it." Emma says, hiding her confusion.

" I almost did!"

_This is my room. _She thinks. _ This is my bed. This is my girlf— well almost. She's my … friend with benefits, I guess. My best friend, anyway. Okay, nothing to worry about. We just have to finish this project._

"Emma? Are you okay? You look a bit… out of it." Ever worries.

"I'm fine. I just got a little lightheaded there. Happens all the time. Anyway, I am beat. Let's make this a literal sleepover, how 'bout it?" and so they did.

It's noon and there's a rap on the door. "Jason?" Ever's seemingly nervous voice sounds. "Jason, Emma and I need to talk to you. May we come in?"

"Sure, door's open." I reply. My two beautiful girls walk in. I stop to think. I love these two girls. My sister, of course, I'd never let anyone hurt her. And Ever, my gorgeous girlfriend, I love her.

"Jason. Sit down please." Ever asks, voice, face, and posture solemn. "We need to talk. Just the three of us, no one else. Nobody else even knows, so you can relax a bit." She hen proceeds to walk towards me. Then, the unthinkable happens. She reaches for my sleeve.

"What are you doing?" I yell, in a whisper. I retreat, afraid. _What do they know? Surely they don't know. They can't possibly know… But they do._

"Shh…" She calms me down, and slowly, cautiously, peels back my sleeve to reveal dark red scars. Emma, a few feared steps behind, allows a few tears to escape. Obviously devastated, she lets out a barely audible, "Why?"

"It's none of your business." I say, a bit harshly.

"I'm your sister. Every bit of your welfare is my business." Her voice comes back with sudden and surprising strength. I blink back tears.

"I don't want to talk about it." One tear cascades down my cheek bone and onto my neck.

"You need help. We want to help you, Jason. We won't tell anyone. We just want you to stop doing this to yourself." Ever says, voice careful.

"There's no hope for me. Why would you want to help me? You'd just fail. I can't stop and I can't tell anyone why. I just…" I'm bawling by this point in time.

"What did he do to you?" You could feel the hatred in her words. "What did that BASTARD do to you? I will kill him! What did he do?" Ever is seething, Emma is utterly confused and I am amazed. She knows it was him. She knows I have a good reason to hate him. But all I say is: "Nothing. He's a perfect little angel. He did absolutely nothing"

"I know you're lying, Jase. You always overdo it when you're lying. Just tell me what he did and I'll do whatever it takes to avenge your pain."

"Ever. He didn't do anything. Leave him alone." I can't believe I'm protecting the one who put me in this mess, but I can't let them know what he did.

"If he didn't do anything, then why have you been cutting?" Please. Stop. We love you. So much! Every time you hurt yourself, you hurt us." At that, the tears come back. Like a waterfall, my eyes flow. Tears flooded my face. I couldn't breathe. I was drowning in my own sorrow. Emma and Ever come over and wrap their arms around me. This is the safest I've felt in ages. Everywhere I turn I feel someone else will hurt me. But not in my girls' arms. With them by my side, I am invincible.

The intervention was undoubtedly a success. Jason stopped cutting. He never did tell anyone why he started, but all was forgotten when he promised to stop.

Weeks fly by and all is well. Scars heal. Relationships thrive. Life is good again. Until that momentous night.

Jason receives a text.

**555-0124**

**Hey Jason, this is Josh… I know this is probably uncomfortable for you, because, well, it is for me too. But I just wanted to apologize. I know saying sorry isn't going to cut it for what I did, but It's a start. Let me make it up to you somehow. Please.**

He adds the contact and replies.

**Jason.**

**No. I can't forgive you. You scarred me for life. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to talk to you again without getting mad. Please leave me alone.**

**Josh.**

**Please? I'm begging you. I feel horrific about the whole ordeal. What would it take for you to forgive me?**

**Jason.**

**You in jail. But I swore to secrecy and you won't tell anyone either or you're even more dead to me than before.**

**Josh.**

**I'll go to jail. Anything to make it better. I realize now that you were my only good friend back then. You have no idea what I've put myself through. Can you keep a secret? I started cutting. Like, slitting my wrists? I felt terrible.**

**Jason.**

…**I did too… But I stopped. My sister and my girlfriend helped me. You should try to stop too.**

**Josh.**

** I'm glad to know you care(:**

**Jason.**

** I don't care. It's just a shame to do that.**

**Josh.**

** Oh.**

Monday morning Jason wakes up and puts on a clean shirt (still long-sleeved) and heads down for breakfast. He thrusts himself through the threshold only to find Ever. "Hi?" Jason says, more a question than a greeting.

"Hi. We need to talk. I have to tell you something. Sit down. " She pronounces each word slowly as if a bomb, that if rattled too much, would explode.

"What is it?"

"Well… since you're clean… I guess I want to break up" Her hands fly to her mouth, eyes apologizing for her. "I'm so sorry. I-I-I—" She stutters. "I feel like I'm betraying you… Well, because I am. You're sister and I, we've sort of been kind of dating… behind your back. I'm sorry, Please don't be mad. Of course he's going to be mad you just broke up with him for his sister. No not for his sister… well… Oh! What have I done?" Ever starts to cry while Jason blinks back tears. He says nothing. He just stands, and leaves the room.


End file.
